UK Connections Anyone?
I have a gig in Oxfordshire, England the weekend of September 23-25, 2005. I will most likely be in the UK for up to two weeks and am currently looking for other venues where I can perform or present performace pieces and talks. I sent e-mails to all the
MCC gay church groups in England. What I need to find are contacts at universities. If you have any or any other venue suggestions, please
email me.
Thanks!
I Got Podcasted!
While at the national
FGC Quaker Gathering in Blacksburg, VA, I met Jimmy Pryor, a Houston, TX based podcaster, who regularly posts interviews on his
Quaker Voices site. Jimmy, with his precious Texan accent,
interviewed me the last night of the conference.
In it I talk about the "ex-gay" movement (no surprise there), my spiritual journey, A trip to Focus on the Family, the anti-gay movement in Nazi Germany and my theater work.
He also recorded me performing my
Identity Monologue, where through five characters in two minutes I tell my life story.
Jimmy is looking for other Quaker voices to interview. If you have any ideas, let me know and I'll pass them on.
A Clever Response
I get loads of letters from people telling me that I am going to hell and that I need to repent from my evil gay ways. Blogger
Jason Kuznicki crafted a stunning response inserting photos from his and his partner's life together along with the text of the letter. Check out
How Not to Make Me Ex-Gay.
Christina
Tender flower
They crushed you
They slammed your body; they bore into your soul
Tender flower
They chanted, “You are crazy”
They silenced you with terror and with doubts
Tender flower
They thought they had finished you.
Or they stopped thinking about you altogether
Tender flower
They could never imagine
Nor could they ever recognize
The rooted beautiful tree you have become.
Fashion Activism
On Mackinaw island in Northern MI, where cars are prohibited and only people of color serve you your dinner, I ventured by ferry with a group of progressive queers to the
Grand Hotel for dinner and to present my piece
Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway House.
Last week in an e-mail the queer non-profit sponsoring the event informed us,
Men are required to wear a coat and tie and women a dress or pant suit.
Okay, that pissed me off.
Boys dress like this and girls dress like that. Whose rules do we follow?
So on Saturday I bought a skirt that went beautifully with my
Zegna summer weight charcoal gray suit.
Gender Queer, I marched through the dinning room, a living performance art piece. The racial/class divide in the room grieved me. (Knowing too that my own white male privilege enabled me to take these steps).
Time constraints kept me from doing my prepared prsentation, instead I spoke about the power of telling our stories, of white male power and privilege and the need for this particular foundation to learn from the scholars about how to not only be inclusive but to become liberating.
And I felt liberated in a whole new way.
Preach the Gospel at all times, when necessary, use words St. Francis of Assisi
We Never Really Changed
Willie Hewes recently posted excerpts from
"Ex-gay" Testimonies in which one after another, "fomer" homosexuals admit that they never really changed.
I have linked to the source of every one of these testimonies, so you can read them yourself. Some of these people are and remain religious, some are not. Some still struggle with their homosexuality, others have accepted it. All admit: we never really changed.
Also, check out the NY Times article about Love in Action. You can read about it at Ol Cranky's
Disenchanted ForestSalon.com has a piece by Mark Benjamin, but I haven't read it yet (too cheap to get my own subscription).
Fish Can't Fly
Daniel Gonzales at Exgay Watch
wrote a
review of Tom Murray's
Fish Can't Fly, which made me realize that I never blogged about the premiere of this flim and with my parents coming to see it and all. Must get around to that.
Tom Murray has a sensitve and thoughtful eye and heart that comes through in the way he films his subjects (and I don't just say that because I was in the film!)
It will play next in San Francisco then it's off to Memphis. Check out the
screening schedule to see if it is coming to a venue near you or just buy the DVD.
The Zen of Travel II
Okay, on Thursday after four hours at the airport, I got a flight to Detroit but arrived too late for my connector flight leaving me in Detroit during the All Star Game with no rooms in the inns, hotels, motels or hell holes.
Through a gig at a conference last year, I still had the number of a artist in the Detroit area. I called him up and not only had a lovely place to stay, but the next morning we sat still for awhile then had a session where we affirmed eachs other's work as artists and activists. It was a special time that gave me the spiritual lift I really needed.
Now in Harbor Springs, MI with the Point Foundation scholars I am continually moved to tears and applause as I hear their stories of overcoming genuine adversity and their willingness to overcome. They refuse to remain victims, and many of them will rock this world.
I'll write more about them early next week.
The Zen of Travel
Yep, my flight is delayed. I have been on dozens of delayed and cancelled flights in my life, and it always puts me in a good mood.
I somehow feel that real time doesn't count when I travel. Once I put my life into the hands of ticket agents, flight attendents, train conductors and taxi drivers, I give up time as I know it. If I like it or not, it becomes all about the journey, because it seems like I will NEVER arrive at my destination.
Great way to meet folks, catch up on people watching, chat with friends on the cell phone and eat junk food. And if they have wireless (like they here do at Bradley Airport near Hartford, CT, well, this is a vacation in itself.
Off to Northern Michigan for
The Point Foundation retreat where I will perform
Queer 101 and
Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway House, a talk about language and oppression in the "ex-gay" movement.
The Point Foundation is awesome. They provide scholarships to LGBTQ youth whose parents won't pay to put a queer kid through college. I feel so pleased to get to know these folks from schools all over the US.
My first presentation is not for another 24 hours, so I should get there in time, but ya never know.
Angry Enough Yet?
I can't shake my anger right now. Even Jesus got pissed off every now an then (that whole pulling out a whip and driving out the money changers from the temple thing).
I think about the extreme care gay rights activists went to in Memphis to protect the identity of Zach and his family, and then his dad goes public.
I am not the only one upset about this. You can read about it in blogsville. Ol Cranky at
Disenchanted Forest writes about potential insurance fraud at Love in Action.
In his on-going careful telling of this tale
Bruce Garrett weighs in too.
EJ in Memphis, TN, who has been with this story since the beginning, writes about Zach's dad being a
Model for IrresponibleMemphis-based
Queer Action Coaltion (QAC) provides links to Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) along with an e-mail they had received from a CBN reporter working on the story.
Terrance at
Gay Spirutality & Culture also provides link to an Agape news story about Zach's dad's comments.
Brady at
Some Guys are Normal commenting on the stereotyping and slandering by of gay ment by Zach's dad writes,
I've said this before, so maybe this should be the theme of my blog. If being gay is a sin, let it be a sin. But, don't go around telling lies, half-truths, and perpetuating streotypes that make being gay (and gay people) this terrible monster that it isn't (and they aren't).
You can read some great comments about all this at
Ex-gay Watch in the comment section of a VERY long interview of Love in Action director, John Smid, conducted by Anita Moyt of Family and Friends, a monthly gay magazine in Memphis and the surrounding areas.
Well, I feel a little better listing all these fine places where you can read thoughtful, passionate responses to this story. Now maybe I will do a little laundry and try watching a little more of season one of
Angel. He is no Buffy, but he'll do in a pinch.
The Unreal World
I read
LJ's account of the
Love in Action open meeting. Apparently for certian meetings anyone can come and sit in on a therapy session with the Love in Action/Refuge client. OUTRAGEOUS!
I remember when I was in the program; we were constantly protected from outsiders. None of our meetings were open except twice a year for the Family and Friends Shame Fest, um Weekend, but that was by invitation only.
Dear Mom & Dad,
You are cordially invited to watch me spill my guts in front of you and tell the most shaming, personal stories of my sexual history. You will be coached on how to respond so that I will be appropriately scared straight.
Can't wait to see you. Tissues will be provided, but please bring your own Bibles so you can personally bash our brains out.
Never would we have imagined having an OPEN meeting. Is that even ethical? I guess if you don't run a licensed facility and you shield yourself with the Bible and church sanctioned legitimacy, then you can get away with lots of stuff.
Then
Willie Hewes alerted me to the
CBN interview with Joe Stark, the father of Zach, a 16-year-old who is a current resident of Love in Action/Refuge. Up until this time, even though folks protesting LIA in Memphis knew Zach's family name (where he lived, cars they drove, etc), they fought to protect him and his family. The repeatedly refused to give the media any of this info. But dad goes right on national TV (well national Christian TV) and outs his whole family.
Zach's dad says
We felt very good about Zach coming here because… to let him see for himself the destructive lifestyle, what he has to face in the future, and to give him some options that society doesn't give him today.
There are so many things wrong with that statement, I do not know where to begin. Please do it for me in your comments.
This is madness. I understand that Zach's father and the LIA program feel attacked by protesters and the media, but instead of asking long, hard questions, they react defensively and put innocent people at risk. And what does Zach's mom have to say about all this, or is she silenced too?
Here's the break down:
Dad controls his family
The program controls Dad
The conservative church controls the program
The straight white male system of power and privilege controls them all.
This isn't about
saving a lost boy, this is about reasserting the system of power and privilege that feels more and more threatened by so many growing liberated voices.
Stop Whispering, Start Shouting!
Doin' Chores in the Homo No Mo Halfway House
I hated Saturdays at the Love in Action residential "ex-gay" facility. This was our "free"day. Free except for our chores and for "fun rap" when we had to play football or some other inane activity.
Living in a Christian residence we each had to take turns doing various chores. My least favorite was mowing the lawn. Think of it, mowing the lawn in Memphis in the summer. Yuck. Although we were forbidden to go topless or even bare our upper arms in the program, we could wear sleeveless tee shirts (or "wife beaters") when we mowed the lawn.
Other chores included grocery shopping (my favorite--it got me out of the house), cleaning the kitchen and the great room (it really wasn't that great.) We also cleaned our bedrooms and bathrooms.
My all time favorite job was raking leaves. We piled the leaves up into giant mounds then dove into them. Kids again, a momentary escape from the madness of dehomosexualization.
Words in Action
Today I read two excellent posts about Love in Action and why their gay reparative therapy harms youth.
The
Queer Action Coalition outlines the details behind the current TN state investigation of LIA.
Willie Hewes responds to an e-mail from LIA director, John Smid. Thoughtful, rational and intelligent, Willie Hewes speaks to the heart of the issue.
Docking
She squeezes into the plane seat, sweating and out of breath, chewing spearmint gum. Spearmint reminds her of the dock. Age 13, slathered with coconut scented tanning lotion with her slender body, she still felt whole then. Normal. Allie introduced her to spearmint gum, Allie who listened to punk rock and smoked once in awhile. Cool, edgy Allie. She felt accepted with Allie, sometimes even happy with herself.
She lost that self-loving feeling in the 9th grade, and now, an adult, encased in fat, self-doubt and shame, she flies to Stockton to stand over her father as he dies smelling of cigarettes and urine.
More spearmint. Chew away the darkness, the sad madness, and the horror of making normal look angelic with death always tempting her.
Rather than visit her dad alone, she contacted Allie. She hadn't seen her since graduation and barely spoke since, but she needed an anchor, even one she had once pushed away.
Allie, now a nurse practioner, a single mom, offered to let her stay at her place with the kids. She declined the offer; she long ago stopped staying with anyone, refused to lumber around their houses, trying to pry herself in and out of their bathrooms and breaking their cheap kitchen chairs. Instead she will get a room at the Super Eight and put up with the stares of strangers.
Rage fills her, rage towards herself and towards the perky, lean woman recoiled next to her casting disapproving glances. She feels rage towards the people who dump criticism barely disguised as advice. Rage towards diet doctors who hold out promises not knowing that the right food combination or less carbs or less fat or more exercise will never fix her. Thinner, she felt too vulnerable, too small. She prefers to hide behind the rolls of fat.
Travel always drains her. She now feels relieved that Allie insisted on meeting her at the airport. Exiting the plane, the flight attendants avert their gaze. Children snicker; a senior citizen shakes her head. A teen boy points out the freak to his friends.
She would like a wheelchair, but believes it only makes things worse. She wants strong arms to carry her once again. She wants the dock, rocking with the smell of lake water, coconut lotion, and Allie’s smoky breath laced with spearmint.
Allie, jeans and a white tee shirt, stands as close to the arrival gate as possible without setting off a security alert. Allie leans towards her and she feels a positive surge of home rise up in her, and she regrets the Super Eight.
"Allie, thank you so much for picking me up." She pants as Allie reaches for her bag.
"What!? Please, you are my dearest and oldest friend, Matthew, sorry, I mean Sarah, it's going to take me a little getting used to this. Hey, I'm here for you and always will be, no matter what."
And I knew Allie meant it, and at that moment, wearing my tacky tent of a dress, makeup sliding down my sweaty face and my cock and balls crammed into my panties, for that moment, nothing else mattered, and we were suddenly back on the dock chewing spearmint gum.
Ecological Footprint
Home at last! Been on the road since June 21. Survived the airports, the high gas prices, the crappy fast food, and the dinosaurs.
Since I left, my mail piled up, and my kitchen got removed. Long story, but I do have more wall space to decorate but no more stove, sink or frig.
Now the question is how do I live without a kitchen?
I've been thinking about my
Ecological Footprint. I took the test and got a 22 which means that if everyone lived like I did, we would need 5 planet earths to sustain us all.
And I thought I was doing well.
I am a vegan. I walk when I can. I don't own a TV or microwave or dishwasher. I recycle (well, sometimes) and compost (kinda).
Well, I am seriously considering living without a car. Since I live in a city with some public transit, it would not be impossible. I'd save money on gas and burn off those fast food calories. Ah, but how will I ever outrun those pesky dinosaurs?
Eyes Wide Open
I did not expect to cry.
I knew how it worked. The
American Friends Service Committee sets up boots on the ground with the names and ages of the soliders tagged onto them. Each pair represents an American soldier killed in the Iraq War.
1,751 pairs of boots.
3,000 shoes to represent the over 100,000 Iraqi children, women and men killed through the conflict. (sponsored by the
Sept 11 Families for a Peaceful Tomorrow)
Also, boots representing soldiers from other countries killed in Iraq.
Over 5000 pairs in total. And the count rises daily.
Eyes Wide Open, an exhibition on the human cost of the Iraq War, exposes the tragedy of this war of terrorism.
The
American Friends Service Committee's Chicago office started the display over a year ago with 504 pairs of boots. They now need a large moving truck to haul the boots and shoes from place to place.
I resolved not to cry, but then, off to the side, I saw a display about soldiers who committed suicide either while still in Iraq or after they returned. On display was the full desert uniform and boots of a 23 year old soldier accompanied by photographs of his incredibly young face and a note from his mother to all of us.He finished his tour of duty, returned to his family home near Boston then killed himself. The cost of war and the pricelessness of peace.
That's when I wept.
Zach has Two Daddies
The
Blue Voice, a reliable source for well-written, thoughtful progressive pieces, recently posted
Gay Parenting vs. Xtian Parenting. In it they introduce us two gay dads of another young man named Zach.
Tim and Bill Matheson, who have been together for over 25 years, raised Zach since he was born and his mother gave him up for adoption. Zach says, "My family is pretty normal. I feel that I'm more tolerant of differences people might have, as opposed to someone with a mom and a dad."
All this flies in the face of people like James Dobson who claim Gay parents will try to turn adopted children into homosexuals like themselves. They also claim that gay parents can't provide a loving environment like a straight couple can. Tim and Bill and hundreds of thousands of other gay parents prove them wrong daily.
Not being a parent myself, I cannot imagine the challenges involved in raising a teen, but
recent studies reveal that lesbian and gay parents do just as well as the straight set, and even if we had them, I could NEVER conceive of warping my kids' sexual orientation by sending them to a Homo Makeover Camp. Not only is it cruel, it's a waste of money: it could never work.
The War of Terrorism
Shocked but not surprised.I read this a half dozen times as reporters scramble to speak to Londoners about today's attack.
World leaders rise up to denounce the attacks using the harshest language as they also raise the terror alerts and consider their next moves.
We (the US and British) are not engaged in a war on terrorism, but a war of terrorism. They strike, we strike 100 times harder. They wait and strike again.
How will this end?
The day before the US presidential election,
Osama Bin Laden gave a
speech in which he outlined the steps that led him to the Sept 11 attacks. Bush, Kerry and the media immediately pronounced the speech another threat to our national security.
In that speech, Bin Laden said,
No one except a dumb thief plays with the security of others and then makes himself believe he will be secure. Whereas thinking people, when disaster strikes, make it their priority to look for its causes, in order to prevent it happening again.
World leaders correctly denounce today's attacks in London. When some group does something this awful, words like wicked, evil and senseless leap to our lips.
These attacks are wrong, but are they senseless?
You push me; I push you harder; you push me back, and it goes on and on and on.
I don't pretend to believe that resolving the current terror stand-off will be easy, but blowing each other up does not end conflict, be it in Mosul, Kabul, Madrid or London.
It's time our leaders devise a peace strategy, because no one will ever win this war of terrorism.
Sign Up at QAC
The
Queer Action Coaltion now offers a weekly newsletter via e-mail. Learn about their efforts to fight homophobia through original documentary films, speakers bureau, literature and more.
You can
sign up in less than a minute giving you plenty of time to make a donation to this fine group of young activists from Memphis, TN who, moved by the plight of a friend and fellow young person, decided to do something about it.
A Word From the President
At this week's G8 Summit in Scotland, when asked about giving aid and cancelling debt, President Bush spoke of his willingness, but stated he first wants assurances that the money will be well spent. Bush said,
I don't know how we can look our taxpayers in the eye and say, this is a good deal to give money to countries that are corrupt.
Full story
hereMaybe we don't give to corrupt countries, but...
Can you say
Halliburton?
Can you say
Tom Delay?
okay and countries too...
Can you say
Iraq?
And now a word from Bush's Savior (No, not Karl Rove)
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Luke 6:41-42 NIV)
Is This Too Radical for You?
Danny, a fellow Aquarian and Quaker, writes a great
post about how Quakerism is for Radicals. Contemplative Activist, a regular visitor to this blog, recently
posted about how Quakerism is much more than just God Talk.
What I love about being a Quaker (the liberal, unprogrammed kind), is that God is not shoved down my throat. Spirituality is a lot more than just talk. It is action, passion, intellect and love.
In the queer community we have a crisis of faith. Because of church hurt, we often flee our religions and want nothing to do with God in any form. Still many of us still have a longing for the something more, but even gay churches seem too much to handle for many of us (Is it all the tacky rainbow religious knick knacks?) We get religious flashbacks like we're survivors of some holy war.
Going to Quaker meeting for the first time some years ago confounded me. It didn't bring up bad memories or toxic texts. It felt right for me. I appreciate Quakerism for the quiet. Lord knows I've heard enough God Talk to last a lifetime.
Let Love Choose
At the FGC Quaker gathering today, over 500 Friends, queer and straight, gathered in support of marriage equality.
Hearing the tesitmonies of same-gender loving couples moved me most of all since they were married under the care of their Quaker meetings.
Many years of meeting, praying, waiting and watching brought together this group that once was divided on queer issues.
After years of hiding from fellow Christians within the churches I attended, I can't describe how it felt to be surrounded by people of faith who agree that queer people are a perfect part of God's plan, gifts to the community.
Great Zach Site: Free Z
Based on a real story, with real people and real pain.Willie Hewes created the best Zach site I've seen yet!
Through
Free Z, Willie Hewes evokes deep emotion through a beautifully rendered comic.
Links to what you can do to make a difference, and printable version of the comic story, so we can reproduce it and distribute it. Sweet.
Quaker Gathering: A Found Poem
Words and Phrases heard and read at
FGCAll my dreams are there, my memories, my lies--that's where the poems come from.
I went from a me to an us
Whatever the word of God is, it is not a book.
Experiment with Light.
Here we are with Christian shirts in a gay bar.
Every time I sit down to write a poem I want to forget the Reservation, but the Reservation won't let me go.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewritters.
When friends by shame are undefiled, how can I keep from singing.
Friends, let us resolve not to use the Bible as a weapon.
Where'd you find the sweet potato fries?
Going to the Chapel
Here at the annual national gathering of the
Friends General Conference, I was more than a little shocked when, with the other queer Quakers, (
FLGBTQC) we entered Virginia Tech's Memorial Chapel for worship and faced a wall of very hunky, near naked men in stone.
Needless to say, settling into stillness required extra effort on my part.
Besides the stimulating worship, the start of FGC and the connections (and reconnections) both comfort and challenge me. So many thoughtful people who take their roles as humans seriously.
Together we look carefully at the
environment,
the war in Iraq and elsewhere,
anti-racism and of course Quakerism.
I bumped into two bloggers today!
Liz Op and
Quaker Ranter.
Tuesday afternoon we will hold a rally,
Let Love Choose which will publically protest anti-gay initiatives in Virginia and elsewhere while making a case for marriage equality.
I am in good company.
Suzie Cynaide
While in Memphis last week, I met Suzie. I actually met her a few years back at the Food Co-Op where she and others sought to create an alternative community-based store.
This trip I got to know her some.
So wise, so warm, so powerful. I don't think she is aware of the power she possesses.
When I saw
Blue Citrus Hearts, the stellar, award winning film created by
Morgan Jon Fox, (and co-directed by Suzie), she flooded the screen with an ancient transcendent power, a power that the world once knew in many societies where transgendered individuals served as shamans, seers, leaders and warriors.
There in Memphis, with or without an official title, she inspires the
queer activists simply by being herself.
"Ex-gay" Recruiters Target Youth
PlanetOut asked me to write an
op-ed piece about what is happening with Zach and LIA.
I write about the
young Memphis protesters and the
bold move on the part of the religious right to hunt down and subdue queer youth.
They asked me to write a humorous piece, but at first I found NOTHING funny about this story. The second time around I came up with some nice self-deprecating humor.
You can also read it at
gay.com.
Tennessee Opens New Probe of LIA
Just read
this article in the Washington Blade. Mixing drug and alcohol rehab with
dehomosexualization therapy may create legal problems for Love in Action.
Eartha Melzer of the Blade writes
Legislation giving the health department the authority to issue cease-and-desist orders to unlicensed alcohol and drug treatment facilities goes into effect July 1. Turner said that the health department is considering whether the Love in Action facility is causing harm.
On June 24, Melzer
wrote about how 16-year old Zach was forced to attend LIA and the initial investigation by Child Services at the TN Department of Health.
Stay posted, this story is not over.
Fiction--Kinda
"Why don't you just shove a feather up your ass and whistle dixie while you're at it?! No, you cannot go with that boy."
She's referring to my boyfriend. Mom is never like this with my brother and all of his freaky girlfriends. Like we have some family legacy to preserve or something. Who gives a shit? Except my mom.
I want to go to the 4th of July field day with Brandon--just to be with him, to walk around, holding hands, eating funnel cake and stuff like that. Big deal.
I guess Whoville is not ready for a
same sex teen couple. Yeah, but how will they ever change if nobody gets off their ass to do something?
But I don't want to walk hand in hand with Brandon to make a point or to piss someone off.
I just want to hold his hand,
because I like him.
Quaker Mover and Shakers
Yeah, I'm a Quaker. No, not those folks with the horse and buggies. Those are the Amish. And not the folks with the furniture. Those are the Shakers. And no, it has nothing to do with oat meal.
On Tuesday I arrived at
Pendle Hill, a Quaker school and retreat center outside of Philadelphia. Working with the
Young Adult Leadership Development program, I presented some of my queer themed pieces, including my talk about language & oppression in the "ex-gay" movement,
Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway House.
Pendle Hill draws both activists and artists. Here you can meet people who worked in
japanese internment camps in the 40's and young teachers who serve at the Friend's School in
Ramallah.
A fully stocked library, a 24 hour art studio where you can do ceramics, silk dying and card making, an organic garden to supply the kitchen (which always offers a vegan meal option), a woodland path through an arboretum, nice spaces to read, write and think. This is where I come to refresh, recharge and get challenged.
Then in meeting for worship, in that quiet, still place, I sort things out (or get sorted out). Tomorrow I leave here to join the other movers and shakers out in the
real world (no, not the folks on that inane MTV reality program, those are just silly).
